December 22, 2005

Greg Gutfield - A Note To Tookie Supporters

Another great post from Greg Gutfield (a/k/a the only readable columnist on the Huffington Post):

We know the death penalty is racist. I just hope death penalty opponents ARE NOT - and will rally their support behind caucasian crime king Clarence Ray Allen. His execution date of Jan. 17 comes after his 76th birthday. Sure, Allen was convicted of arranging the murder in 1974 of his son's girlfriend, Mary Sue Kitts, who was a witness against him in a burglary case.

While serving life at Folsom for Kitts' murder, he paid another inmate, Billy Ray Hamilton to kill eight people who testified against him. Hamilton managed to kill a few- but we don't need all that information now. It happened a long time ago and Clarence is really old.

The point: You can still impress girls at swanky parties by campaigning to save other death row inmates - even the non-black ones who didn't write children's books!

Just say this:

"Clarence Ray Allen is very old, and suffering from a complicated stew of age-related diseases. It would be an outrage to execute a man in this state. In a way, Mr. Allen is suffering MORE than his victims -- their deaths by his hands prevented them from suffering the kind of health problems Clarence is now experiencing in death row. If anything, Mr. Allen is kind of a martyr. Not unlike Tookie. "

Then add:

"Mr. Allen just had angioplasty and the stress of an execution could damage an already fragile heart."

You'll be, like, totally in!

Somehow, I doubt that Mr. Allen has the same appeal as Tookie did...
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